Thursday, February 15, 2007

Cowher Gets a Job

CBS announced today that recently resigned Steelers head coach Bill Cowher will be joining The NFL on CBS as a studio analyst.

Before you break out the champagne, ask Nana to watch the kids and call the neighbors to come over and celebrate because you think The Chin will be replacing the indecipherable Shannon Sharpe or the opinionless, analysis-challenged Dan Marino, know thee this: Cowher isn't replacing anyone.

CBS is going with five guys at the desk. Read that again. Let it sink in. Five guys. F-I-V-E.

Is that possible? Can it be done? I mean, isn't the number of football analysts allowed in the studio set in stone? Isn't it some divine law like Ten Commandments, Seven Deadly Sins, Twelve Apostles or how much you count to when you're using the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch? "Thou shalt count to three. Thou shalt not count to four. Nor shalt thou count to two, unless thou then proceedth to three. Five is right out..."

Frankly I'm frightened and distrubed by this news. You just don't mess with Nature's Laws like this. Four guys in a studio. Joe, Terry, Jimmy and Howie. Boomer, TJ, Michael and Steve. Jim, Dan, Boomer and Shannon.

To try adding a fifth guy to an NFL studio is like a Jedi flying solo ("Always two there are") or forming a boy band with something other than five's messing with things that ought not to be messed with. Hopefully this won't break the Seventh Seal or something.

1 comment:

hardright said...

What kind of camera lens will they have to use in order to fit that jaw into the frame whenever Cowher's on camera?